Answers & Hope

Over the past month I have noticed that "A" often doesn't seem to hear us. I mentioned this to the caseworker, who okayed taking him to the doctor. Well, today we discovered that he only has 30% hearing in both ears. He is profoundly deaf. I suspected that it was bad...but not this bad! The good news, is that it's caused from fluid build-up and we can cure it with tubes placed in his ears. He will go to an Ear, Nose, Throat specialist on the 29th and we will create a plan of action. I can't wait until he can hear! I'm sure that many of his "behavioral issues" are caused from his lack of hearing.
This week was pretty good, except for Tuesday, when he was supposed to visit his grandmother and she forgot. He was really upset. I had an appointment scheduled and when I called her, she said that she wasn't even dressed. I told her that not coming for him was NOT an option. I dropped him at the DHS office in the playroom and told her to pick him up there! I like her and I know that he loves her dearly, but that is just not fair to him.
His sisters are struggling with all of the separations and new foster homes, but they seem to be thriving and learning to be little kids again. It's so heartbreaking to see them all hurting. When we have visits, his sisters all cling to me, hugging and loving on me, begging for attention and love. Part of me has to wonder why God allows this kind of pain for children. How can they ever understand that any good came from it? *SIGH*

Savannah has been missing way too much school because she was sick, so I have a meeting with all of her teachers on Monday. Wheeee...that oughta' be loads of fun.:(

Cheyenne turns 21 on May 7th. It's so hard to believe that my baby is that old...and "legally" an adult now! It seems like just yesterday when she was toddling around learning how to walk and talk!
I do have to say though, that if we end up with our little guy, I think I'll be done raising kids. I wanted a boy...so if we get to keep him, I'll be happy! If not...then who knows? We just have to wait and see.

Well...it's off to bed for me.
Night!

Long Days With a Small Boy

Wednesdays really suck. Every time we have a visit, we go through about 2 days of hell afterwards. I wonder what things go on in a child's mind that cause them to act out so much.
I get so upset and frustrated, because "A" has such a burden that he carries. First of all, he believes that he cannot go home because he is bad. This idea is reinforced by his bio family when they tell him that "when he learns to be good", he can come home.
Secondly, he believes that he is the "big brother" and he has to take care of his 4 sisters.
He feels responsible for them and often tells me that he needs to take care of them.

All I can do is love this child SO much. I try to love him enough to counteract all of the negative stuff. I tell him what a great kid he is and how much I love him:)

He is currently driving me crazy because he doesn't hear well at all...and we are always repeating or shouting. I am making him an appointment to get his ears checked. It seems weird, but by the end of a day with him, I am SO sick of repeating myslef that I could just scream! It's exhausting.

Tomorrow, I have to go into town and pick up the new piglets so we'll have meat this year! Mmmmmm....home raised pork is SO good. I hate raising the pigs...but I do love the meat!

I'm going to the coast to teach a class on Saturday, then driving up to Newport to visit my mom. I'm excited. I don't get to see her enough.

Lisanne

Rescuing Everything.

I think that I have spent my whole life rescuing. Even when I was a kid, every stray found it's way to my house.
I brought home baby possums. raccoons, cats, dogs, birds...you name it! My parents always groaned about it,
but they knew that it wouldn't stop me! I don't know why I feel such a responsibility to "save the world", but it's such a part of my make-up that I can't understand how most of society can turn a blind eye to the suffering that I find so often. How does
one walk away, rather than reaching out and helping? I seriously CAN'T. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "Lisanne, you can't save the world!", but that doesn't come to mind when I see a cat, dog, horse, child, etc...starving to death, or dying from abuse. I just act. I just DO.
There are times when my heart breaks from it and I feel like I can't ever do it again...and then another poor soul comes along and
there I go again. Just doing.
It is both a part of me that I love, and I hate. There are times that I wish I could walk away and feel no responsibility, no guilt, no shame. But that isn't me. I'm the one who will stop traffic to remove a dying animal from the street. I'm the one who will risk getting bitten to keep a wounded animal from suffering. I'm the one who will allow my heart to break over and over again just to ease their pain and make their lives better, if even for a short time.
If I look back on all of the creatures, both animal and human that I've "rescued", I can honestly say that although it's painful (and exhausting!) at times, those rescues have enriched my life and touched me so very, very much. I really should have been a Vet!
(By the way, did I tell you all about the young "Osprey" that I "rescued" after it flew into my car last Summer? Well, as it turned out, he died...but I took some pictures of him and was very excited to tell my husband about him. You should have heard him laugh when he told me that my "Osprey" was a Buzzard!!!)
Yes, I'll rescue ANYTHING!

Failure

Well, I gave up and took the kitty to the local Humane Society today. They promised to take good care of her and keep me posted. I felt terrible, but I've come down with a virus, and her fur was making my asthma act up. I just couldn't work on her anymore and she needed immediate help.
I can't help but feel like I've failed her. I just hope that she's in good enough shape to rehab and adopt. Her heart was beating too fast and she had a snotty nose...so their vet was concerned. I signed a form saying that they have to call me before they decide to euthanize her.

On a good note, "A" has had a couple of really good days. He is SUCH a cutie!

Wow...What a Week.

Another crazy week down. I'm just exhausted. This week, I have intentionally NOT scheduled any classes. I need some time off.
Today, I rescued a kitty. She (?) is a purebred silver Persian. I have never seen such a terrible case of abuse and neglect. This poor cat has more mats than cat. Her matted fur is at LEAST 4 inches thick all over her body. As I started cutting mats away, I have found sores on her skin. It's going to take me days to clean her up. She is covered in feces and smells so bad I want to puke. This is seriously criminal. I am trying to get my camera to work so I can post pictures of her. ("A" broke it.)
I found this kitty at a vacant house that I showed some clients today. She is one of about 8 cats that have been abandoned. I will call animal control on Monday. I fed them all today and took the Persian, who was by far in the most need of immediate help. I may have to give up and take her to a vet this week to get help with the dematting. She is clearly in a lot of pain and it hurts her. How do these things always find ME????
"A" had an ear infection and a sore throat this week, so he missed his weekly visitation. Consequently, it was a pretty good week! He is SUCH a cute kid. I just love him so much.
Well, I'm going to bed early tonight. (Ha! it's 1:00am!)

Night!

We Had SUN!!!

It was a beautiful, sunny, WARM day today and I enjoyed it so much. I slept in as long as I was allowed, cleaned house for a few, then went outside to enjoy the sunshine:)
We brought out the fire pit and had a bonfire, roasted hot dogs and marshmallows and played catch! (although I pulled the muscle in my shoulder throwing the ball.)
The girls rode horses a lot today and "A" played with the little neighbor girl for a while. (Until he hauled off and whacked her with a stick.) Playing with other children is not his forte'!)
It was a nice day, but I'm still really tired and just need to get some things off of my plate. I talked to my husband today, and I am going to put my real estate license on inactive status for a while. I'll turn my listings over to my company, so I'll still receive a referral fee if they sell.

Tomorrow is drill team night. I can't wait. I absolutely love drill team!
Night:)

Tough Times

It's been some time since my last post. I'm exhausted...and emotional...and a bit overwhelmed.

For a start, I chose to send Sweet Dan back to his owner, I liked him, but we just weren't "clicking". I found another little horse (pony) that is going to work really well. His name is Skeeter and he's a POA. While this all sounds okay, it's just VERY stressful.
I am teaching at least 2 Oregon classes per week, (sometimes 3) and a Utah/Oregon on the weekends. I also have real estate stuff going on and I'd really like to put it on hold.

My little man is a constant source of both pure joy, and frustration. Life would be better for him if his mother would get her life straight, They say very inappropriate things to him at their weekly visits. I have became very protective of him!

I feel like I can barely keep up. I really need to sleep.
Well...I took an extra large sleeping pill tonight. See you tomorrow!